we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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