You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
