yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
