Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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