i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize