I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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