My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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