He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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