my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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