so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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