So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
