he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
