If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
