There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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