Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
