my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
