I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
