i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
