he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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