Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
