Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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