You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
