I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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