So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
