He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize