Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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