so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
