I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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