Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
