did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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