If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
