3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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