Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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