there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
