The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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