I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want her autograph on my taint
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i now understand why vodka
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize