I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize