im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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