I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
