Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
