Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
