My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
