oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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