why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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