How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
