Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
