At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
