Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
