do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
