Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize