you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
