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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
