Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize