i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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