Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
