i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
