EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
