No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
True college students do jello shots in the library
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
