I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
