so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
