Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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