dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize