i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
