Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
