i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
