I hate your face
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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