just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
