We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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