Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize